Good Foundations for Marriage

“I trusted you and now you go and do this!”
“How can I ever trust you again?”

Trust as a Foundation

It is often said that a marriage should be built on trust. Trust is a good thing to have, but can it be the only foundation on which a marriage is built? What happens if that trust is broken? Is the marriage over? Would you never be able to trust your spouse again?

If we examine these questions, we will quickly see that although trust is a good and necessary thing to have in a marriage, if it is the only foundation, the marriage is in danger of collapse.

Human Nature

Here is a sad fact: if you trust in your parents, they will let you down. If you trust in your neighbours, they will let you down. If you trust in friends, they will let you down. If you trust in politicians, they will let you down. If you trust in work colleagues, they will let you down. If you put your trust in material things, they will let you down and if you trust in your husband or wife, they will let you down.

Why is this? It is because every human has human nature and fails to live up to the standards we all hope for. No matter how good our intentions are, we all fail from time to time. None of us is perfect. (Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;).

Who Can We Trust?

In fact, the only people we can trust and who will never let us down are God and his Son, Jesus Christ. All these scriptures (and many more) make this point:

Psa 20:7 Some [trust] in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God.
Psa 56:11 In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.
Psa 118:8 [It is] better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. Psa 118:9 [It is] better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in princes.
Psa 146:3 Put not your trust in princes, [nor] in the son of man, in whom [there is] no help.
Micah 7:5 Do not trust in a friend; Do not put your confidence in a companion; Guard the doors of your mouth From her who lies in your bosom. 6 For son dishonors father, Daughter rises against her mother, Daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; A man's enemies are the men of his own household. 7 Therefore I will look to the Lord;I will wait for the God of my salvation; My God will hear me
1Ti 6:17 Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy;
2Ti 2:11-13 [It is] a faithful saying: For if we be dead with [him], we shall also live with [him]: If we suffer, we shall also reign with [him]: if we deny [him], he also will deny us: If we believe not, [yet] he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself.

So how does this help a marriage? If everyone is going to let us down, is it better not to have friends, family or marriage partners?

Of course, to deny ourselves this human companionship just because they may one day let us down, would be to deprive ourselves of all the good things that such relationships can bring.

If we accept the fact that one day, our marriage partner may let us down, how can we build a marriage that will survive, if such a thing happens? It is clear that it cannot be built on trust alone. If that trust is ever broken, there is nothing else to hold the marriage together.

Is answer is a very simple and obvious one – Love.

Love as a Foundation

The whole of 1 Corinthians 13 is concerned with love and is well worth reading in full; however, here are just a few verses:
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.
Now most people who have experienced true love know that it is not the heady infatuation of a new romance and it is certainly not just sex; it is the deeper, lasting love that accepts your partner for what they are, with all their faults. We are comfortable with that person, we can be ourselves with that person and they can be the same way with us.

Hand-in-hand with true love comes forgiveness.

Forgiveness

Mat 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
Mat 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

This scripture shows us the importance of forgiveness from a Christian point of view. Whatever our marriage partner may have done to us, is it worse than all the sins we have committed throughout our lives? We hope and pray that God will forgive us, but just as in the expression “Do unto others as you would have them do to you”, if we cannot forgive our marriage partner, why should God forgive us? I know that all this is easy to say and much harder to do. I would not want to trivialise the hurt and anguish that happens when the marriage trust is broken. Someone might say “My marriage partner has been unfaithful to me many times. They have spent all our savings and broken I don’t know how many promises. Why should I forgive them yet again?” What did Jesus say?

Mat 18:21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Mat 18:22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
It is worth reading all of Matthew 18 to see the teaching of Jesus regarding Forgiveness.

Conclusion

So to make a marriage work, Christian or otherwise, the foundation needs to be firm and able to withstand the storms and tempests that come our way from time to time. Trust, as we have seen, is a brittle foundation; it looks strong, but will break when put under pressure. Love, on the other hand, especially when combined with forgiveness is far stronger and much more able to cope with the problems that life throws at us.
1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

Any marriage is worth saving. With God’s help, anything is possible. He will help, if we let Him. If we think that a person cannot change, a leopard cannot change its spots, then remember that as followers of Jesus, we are all expected to change,

2Cr 5:17 Therefore if any man [be] in Christ, [he is] a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Rom 8:1 [There is] therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
(It is worth reading all of Romans chapter 8 to understand this change better)

My God bless your marriage and mine and give us the strength and perseverance to make our marriages work, building them on the firm foundation of love.

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