Marrying Unbelievers
Whom should a Christian marry? Can we marry anyone that will have us, or are there Bible principles that we should follow? If we look in the Bible, we will find our answer. Indeed, the assumption made by the Bible writers is that Christians will only marry other Christians.
Paul devotes almost all of 1 Corinthians 7 to the issue of marriage, which includes the following words:
32….. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife-- 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband.
We can see from these verses that the whole chapter is written on the assumption that we are talking about those who share the One Hope. And serving God is the first priority.
The Old Testament is full of warnings to the Israelites to keep separate from the world and from those around them. This started with Abraham, who did not want Isaac to be given a wife from the nations around him.
Genesis 24:
1 Abraham was now old and well advanced in years, and the LORD had blessed him in every way. 2 He said to the chief servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, "Put your hand under my thigh. 3 I want you to swear by the LORD , the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, 4 but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac."
We can see that there is a spiritual parallel here; Christians become related to Christ and to each other through the waters of baptism. Therefore, we call each other brother and sister. In this way, we also should be looking for a marriage partner from among those we are related to in Christ.
This approach was also taken by Jacob, who went to his relatives to find a wife. The fact that the nation of Israel did not strictly follow this separation from the nations around them was the cause of much of their difficulties later on. God used marriage fidelity and infidelity to characterise Israel's relationship to Him. Thus we see the use of marriage as a symbol between Saviour and those requiring salvation; Yahweh, the Old Testament Saviour of the Nation of Israel and Jesus, the Saviour of Spiritual Israel.
The need for separation was always present and we are reminded particularly of this in Ezra chapter 10. Here, the people had taken for themselves wives from the nations around them and were commanded to put them away. If the wives had become Israelites by adoption as Ruth did, then this would not have been necessary.
In New Testament times, despite the growing apostasy in Israel, the principle of separation was still present. Anyone who was not a Jew was a "gentile" and the two did not mix.
Therefore, it is in this cultural context that the words of the New Testament writers must be taken. Culturally, the Jews would not dream of marrying a gentile, so it was only when the church grew to include gentiles that the new lines of division had to be laid down. No longer was the separation between Jew and Gentile but Believer and Unbeliever.
Now we need to consider what these terms mean.
James 2:19
Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.
Leaving aside what is meant by devils, the mere fact that someone professes a belief in God, does not make them a Believer.
It is hard to consider the beliefs of others without appearing to make ourselves superior or judgemental of others, which is not our objective. It is likely that everyone believes something. An atheist believes there is no God, Muslims believe in one God, but deny that He has a Son. The average Corinthian in Paul's time would have worshipped one or more of the Greco-Roman gods. If we therefore call one of these an unbeliever, then surely it is because they do not believe as we do.
2 Corinthians 6:14
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
This brings into play the other important word in this scripture - "unequally". Two people wanting to be married may both believe very strongly in something, but if it is not the same thing, then the "yoking" is unequal. In the Old Testament, it was forbidden to plough with an ox and a donkey yoked together (Deut 22:10). This was not because one animal was better than the other was and no mention is made of it being offensive to God; it was practical advice. Ploughing like this with an unequal balance would eventually result in the plower going round in circles! The danger is that a similarly uneven yoking in a marriage will have the same effect. Shall we go to the fraternal meeting on Saturday? Will the children go to Sunday School? Shall we live close enough to a meeting place to be able to get there regularly?
These are just some of the many, many issues where someone with a different religion or no religion will have greatly differing views and opinions from someone trying to live their life according to a set of Scripturally-based beliefs. As a loving Father, God would like to spare us those difficulties.
We mentioned earlier that marriage is a symbol of the relationship between Christ and the Church. How is that symbol served if the wife (or the husband) does not believe the Bible to be the infallible word of God?
We must not forget; God has called us out from the world ("ecclesia" means "Called out Ones"). He has made us separate (that's what "Holy" means). Jesus said that his followers were "not of this world".
We can summarise the issues as follows:
- God has called us out to be separate from the World.
- The concept of separation, including not marrying someone from outside the community runs throughout the Old Testament and into the New.
- If someone does not have identical beliefs, then they are not a Believer in the strict use of the word.
- Being unevenly or unequally yoked with someone of differing beliefs can put an extra strain on a marriage, which God would spare us.
- If one partner in the marriage is not a Believer, then the symbol of Christ and his Bride (the church) is damaged.
Is finding a partner more important than pleasing God? Assuming someone is of marriageable age, but can find no-one within the community and assuming thay have prayed long and hard about the subject, maybe it's God's way of saying "I want you to serve me as a single person". Or perhaps God is saying "I have just the person for you, but they haven't joined the community yet." We can accept the situation as the will of God, or we can go against what is written in the Scriptures and seek a partner outside the community. Which would God wish us to do?
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